Anger: Handle With Caring
If you develop the skills to work constructively with anger it can be transformational. If you pay attention, anger will reveal where you hurt–and where you need to heal.
When you repress anger, you often "act out" in a passive-aggressive way. Repressing anger robs you of your life force. It requires an exhaustive amount of energy to keep anger under wraps.
The other extreme–constant venting and/or expressing your anger is unproductive, and does not lead to resolution or integration of the underlying issues.
Managing anger with care is about finding a middle ground between the polarities of repression and venting.
It is also important to learn how to express and release anger in a way that does no harm. Hitting, punching, and yelling may help to move anger in the body, but this can hurt. For example, if you lose your voice doing anger work, you are hurting your vocal cords.
Anger often masks hurt, fear and grief.
Anger is like the scab on a wound. If all you do is rip the scab off, it might be satisfying but it doesn't help heal the wound. Unless anger work is accompanied by clearing and integration, it is just scab-picking.
Being skillful with expressing and releasing anger requires insight and the ability to notice when you are angry. Integrative anger work requires proper grounding, embodiment (staying fully present in your body), and insight into the nature of the wound that is activated.
The marker of integrated healing is the feeling of softening in your heart center as well as a greater sense of caring and compassion for yourself.
If you pay attention, your anger can help you understand and heal your psychic wounds. If you release it with care, you will integrate this insight into your consciousness.
Here are some suggestions for handling anger:
- Because anger is a very physical energy, pay attention to your body. Breath moves energy. Breathe into the places you are feeling angry, and really receive your breath.
- Get grounded. Proper grounding enables you to both release anger and receive healing energy. For more information on grounding see Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded (May 13th post).
- Once you are grounded, breathing, and tuning into your body, allow yourself to feel. Notice what you feel, along with any corresponding thoughts, and write all of this down. Don't censor yourself, and write as if no one will ever read your words. It is helpful to keep an anger journal–one you use just for processing and healing anger.
- If you can't sit still with your anger, tune in to what your body needs to do. Whatever you choose–walking, running, jumping rope, hitting a tennis ball–do it mindfully, and with care. Make sure you are breathing. And don't hurt yourself. When you are done moving, get grounded, pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling, and write down everything that comes to mind.
- If you have a kind and loving person to share your feelings with, healing and integration will happen more easily. If you don't, you may want to consider finding a "listener" you trust.
- Do this practice until your anger subsides. For some people, this may need to be an ongoing practice. Don't judge your progress, just do the practice. You are building a caring and compassionate relationship with yourself, and that's what matters.
As you develop the skills to gently and courageously walk through the fire of your anger you will release blocked energies that keep you from being grounded, centered and in your power.
The practice of using care, compassion, and kindness towards yourself is your healing journey–and this practice will fuel your transformation.
The Muse is going on vacation until September.
Until then–
Be Well!
Rebecca
"Fall Maple Leaves" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.
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