Muse

Staying grounded and sane through the transformation process 
Tags


Filed under

mindfulness

 
July 22, 2010
 

Finding Your Path Through Grieving

Copy_of_dscn5278
On a recent morning I was reading more bad news about the Gulf oil spill. Since the spill erupted in April I had been able to face only small amounts of information regarding the devastating impact on sea creatures, birds, and our planet's environment.

As I read the news, the grief I had been fending off erupted in wave after wave of sadness so deep I thought I'd cry forever. But then the waves subsided. I felt rinsed out, clear, and ready to go about my day. And, I had a surge of new energy to commit myself to even the little things I can do to help our planet.

Why had I been fending off this grief for so long?

Well, until that morning I just hadn't been ready yet.

This is the thing with grieving: if you listen closely to yourself you will be present for when your emotions are ready to flow. 

Until I started surrendering to the emotion of grief, I was depressed lots of the time. Then a lovely healer gave me permission to just be sad. And this changed my life. 

We don't like being sad, so we hold it inside.

When you resist grief, its energy turns into anger, depression, or it is expressed physically–as tension, headaches and stomach problems. When you let the tears of grief flow, you will begin to release this trapped energy.  

The practice of mindfully allowing your feelings to move through you will teach your body and energy field how to release and clear energy.

Many find it difficult to surrender to grief because it feels like there will be no end to it.

If you feel sad, be sad. Don't hold back. 

Grief comes in waves. Finding your path through grief requires riding the waves as they crest and fall. It can take a long time for grief to subside. Be patient.

As you grieve, be kind and compassionate towards yourself no matter what is coming up.

Being kind to yourself is essential for healing and transformation to take place.

Kindness opens your heart. An open heart is a conduit for love, compassion and forgiveness–feelings that heal and create wholeness.

Here are some suggestions:

  1. Validate your sadness even if it doesn't seem connected to anything concrete or "real." Just go with it.
  2. When things happen that cause grief, other losses get activated, and you might think you are overreacting. You are not, and the practice remains the same: don't judge–validate, surrender, and be kind and compassionate towards yourself.
  3. If you are someone who gets trapped inside a cycle of grieving that has no end, it is important to provide a container for your grief. Structure time to be present with your feelings. Observe what is going on in your mind and body without judgement. Then do some writing about what you noticed, and put it aside. Make this a practice until the grief subsides. 
  4. When sadness gets stuck–you know it's in there, but you can't quite connect to it–the stuckness is the feeling. Notice where it is in your body and observe it. Refrain from judging it, poking at it, or pushing it away. When it is ready to move, you will be there to greet it.
  5. Don't be a sponge for all the tears of the universe. Chances are good that you have a full plate of your own feelings to work on. Keep your focus here. (See Earth Mother Heal Thyself, June 10 posting.)

Intense emotions provide an opportunity for you to practice compassionate mindfulness. And in the process you will build a deeper and more loving relationship with yourself.  

Allowing yourself to surrender to grief is a vast and courageous act of healing.

Heal yourself, and you heal the world. This is your path!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Foster Brook" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

 

 

Filed under  //   Grieving and the spiritual path   Sadness   compassion   healing grief   mindfulness  

Comments [0]

July 8, 2010
 

Change Your Mind

_the_vortex_
“Energy follows thought.” It's a conviction that gets reinforced for me daily. When my mind begins to obsess about scenarios that have bad endings, I know I need to muster the will to stop–immediately. If I don't drag myself away from their seductive pull, these thoughts will make a bad day even worse.  

Our thoughts create our realities. 

Thus, paying attention to the quality of what your mind puts forth in each moment plays a crucial role in the transformation process.

When your mind sucks you into a downward spiral and feeds the demons of judgement, fear, anxiety, and unworthiness, your suffering is sure to increase.

The relationship with yourself lies at the heart of healing and transformation. You will only make progress when you think and feel more kindly towards yourself.

Positive self-regard aligns you with the healing energies of the universe.

Like attracts like.

Maintaining an authentically positive attitude, however, can be challenging. Transforming the quality of thought takes mindfulness, discipline, and lots of practice.

We are not born with a mind that is inclined towards the negative. To the contrary, a negative outlook develops as a result of learning from others such as parents, peers, and teachers. Early depression and the experience of trauma also have an enormous impact on how we think.

Creating mental vibrancy is not about being happy all the time. It is about learning to maintain objectivity and perspective when the mind begins to descend into negative or victimized thinking.

Cultivating a positive attitude is much more complex than using affirmations; it is learning to gently coax thinking/feeling energy into a more positive flow.

So when your mind goes dumpster-diving, how can you get it to shift gears?

Here are some suggestions: 

  1. Validate your feelings without indulging your thoughts. If you are dwelling angrily on something, check yourself and gently say ”geez, I must be pretty angry right now.” This is the practice of compassionate mindfulness in action.
  2. Bring your focus from your mind to your body. Let your body tell the real story. Is there any part of your body that is uncomfortable? Do you notice which chakra is most activated? What is the energy underlying your negative thoughts?
  3. If you can find anything funny or ridiculous about what you are thinking, engage your humor. Humor shifts energy instantaneously. 
  4. Make yourself do something productive. The sense of achievement is a surefire way to mobilize more positive energy.
  5. Imagine how you would like to feel right now. Even though you aren’t “there,” try to feel it through the use of imagination. If you can imagine a positive feeling you will create it.
  6. If all else fails and you just can't get your mind out of its downward spiral, observe and accept your thoughts. Breathe deeply and remember it will pass...

The practice of transforming your thinking from a negative to positive outlook will change your life. 

And you will light the fires of the transformation process!

Be Well,

Rebecca

Lamphire Woods image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license

 

Filed under  //   mindfulness   negative thinking   positive self-regard   positive thinking   transformation  

Comments [5]

May 27, 2010
 

Finding Equanimity With Difficult Emotions

Jh_photo_for_emotions_muse
 
Learning how to navigate emotions is one of the central challenges of the spiritual path. If we learn how to work with them, feelings can serve as a guide to the recesses of the soul.

Emotions can provide important information about external occurrences; for example, when danger approaches, fear is an essential emotion for survival.

Emotions can also become habituated and exaggerated responses to internal stressors. If you have a history of abandonment and loss, you might get anxious when your loved one doesn't get home on time. This response may be pretty familiar. And when it happens over and over, it becomes cognitively embedded and resistant to change. These ingrained emotional responses provide a great opportunity for some healing work. 

Perhaps the most important aspect of working with emotions is learning how to tolerate them. We are a "fix it" culture, and it is a well-accepted practice to "get rid of" our unpleasant feelings. Getting busy, getting numb, and getting high are a few of the common ways people cope with feelings.

"Clearing" emotions is another practice. Pranayama (breathing exercises), exercise and energy healing are some ways to release emotion.

Mindfulness practice cultivates the ability to be present with what is going on, no matter how much you don't like it.

Sitting in observation of your experience helps decrease judgement of your feelings and increase tolerance. Clearing your emotions tends to provide much quicker relief from unpleasantness and provides a more effiecient way to get at the core of what is going on.

Which is the right approach? The best answer is both.  

In the early stages of healing, there is usually a huge benefit to engaging in insight work and the development of emotional tolerance. Good psychotherapy combined with a mindfulness practice does both of these things. Learning how to identify, understand and sit with your emotions is central to healing, especially for those who have experienced trauma. These are the skills necessary for "doing life." 

Once these skills are mastered and you develop fluency with your unique emotional picture, learning to clear emotions may be an important skill to add. 

Here are some thoughts about how to work with emotions: 
  1. Notice where the feeling is located in your body. Spend some time experiencing the sensations associated with that feeling. Does it stay the same or change over time? Do any images come to mind? Can you identify thoughts associated with this feeling? Which occurred first, the thoughts or the feeling?
  2. Do you want to "get rid" of the feeling? When you have difficulty tolerating a particular feeling, can you observe what form of avoidance you use? With practice, are you able to notice the sequence you engage in around an unpleasant emotion?
  3. The sympathetic nervous system is intricately linked to our emotions. A key factor in managing emotions is learning how to deactivate the stress response. The use of breathing and relaxation skills are really helpful, especially when dealing with fear, anxiety and anger. 
  4. Finally, learn how to stay grounded when your emotions become intense. This helps you stay more connected to your experience, and allows your energy to naturally rebalance on its own. (See the 5-13-10 post, Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded.)
Engaging in this kind of process builds insight, compassion, and self-acceptance. With time, practice and help from those with expertise in this area, you can develop the ability to discern when to sit with a feeling and when to clear it.

Most importantly, listen to yourself when strong feelings arise. Allow your feelings to connect you more deeply to your soul and to your healing journey. It's all good!

Be Well,

Rebecca

 

"Stream" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license. 

Filed under  //   clearing emotions   emotional healing    emotions   grounding   meditation    mindfulness   stress  

Comments [0]