You can give of your time (volunteering) and your money (to nonprofits and those in need).

And you can give...forgiveness.

Forgiving is perhaps one of the hardest human tasks. If forgiving were as simple as just deciding to do it, our world would be a much different place.

 Forgiveness is not an act of mind. It is a blessing that arises from your heart. 

When you can't forgive, it's because you make forgiveness a conditional act. "I will forgive if..." or, "I will forgive when...".

Forgiveness is a gift. To yourself, to the person or people who hurt you, and to the world. 

Forgiving also is a process–it's about becoming a forgiving person.

Yes, it's complicated. Believe me. I've sat with clients who spent years bitterly chewing on their resentment. Holding on to anger and resentment only perpetuates more suffering.

I hear this over and over: "I want to forgive, I really do, I just can't seem to let go!" 

By continually focusing on the person who caused you pain, you're only going to get stuck in a state of resentment. 

Rather than focusing on others, or "trying" to let go, find the willingness to align yourself with the energy of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness, like anger or sadness, has its own unique energetic quality. When you choose to infuse your heart, mind, and body with this powerfully healing energy, you will become more forgiving.

Here's a short practice that will enable the energy of forgiveness to begin to take root:

Spend a few minutes in silence. Sit, breathe, relax.

Bring your awareness to your heart center (the center of your chest) and notice any sensations.

Using your intention, draw the energy of forgiveness into your heart center. Breathe. Allow. Absorb. Let the energy of forgiveness build.

Then imagine sending this energy from your heart center up to your head, down your spine, your arms and hands, through your torso, and down your legs into the arches of your feet. Use your breath to move the energy through your body. Really let it flow. 

When you feel complete, gently rest in your body. Notice any awareness you may have. And commit to coming back to this practice tomorrow.

As your alignment with the energy of forgiveness becomes more familiar and habitual, you just may notice yourself becoming more forgiving! 

Find your willingness to be open to healing. Practice. Be patient. And remember, this is a gift that really does keep on giving!

Happy Solstice!

Be Well,

Rebecca

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In my healing practice this week, survivor guilt was one of the prevailing themes.

Here in the upper Connecticult River valley, we are still digging out from the devastating effects of Hurricane Irene (and will be for a long time). Because we are such a small community, everyone knows someone whose home, farm, business–or in many cases all three–were badly damaged or destroyed. 

The crazy twist to this storm is that many of us survived with little more than a heavy rain, while our neighbors just a dozen miles away lost everything.

It's been hard to feel grateful for escaping storm damage when so many people are suffering.

Many people I know are feeling guilty about their good fortune–especially those who struggle with guilt issues already. 

While none of my clients this past week experienced personal loss, almost everyone was feeling overwhelmed by a complex mixture of guilt, grief, and helplessness. 

Some people will also absorb the emotional energy that is "in the air" as part of the fallout of a storm like Irene.

Often, an unconscious agreement/contract/tradeoff is made: since I can't do anything to help my community I will carry some of the emotional burden myself.

Carrying the energy of others is never helpful. It is exhausting, and keeps you from being your best.

So how, as an unscathed survivor, do you cope with feelings that seem frivolous by contrast to what others are coping with?

When disaster strikes, how can you be most effective? How can you maintain your own stamina so you are available to help?  

Here are some suggestions to help you stay as present and available as possible–to yourself, to your family, and to your community–when disaster happens:

As they say on the airplane, put on your oxygen mask first–before helping someone else with theirs.

1. Get grounded (See Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded, and Tend To Your Roots, Reach for the Sky Muse posts for more information about grounding and the important functions of the root chakra). 
2. Guilt is a sure way to drain you, paradoxically leaving you with even less energy to help those in need. Guilt also undermines your ability to make skillful, objective decisions. When guilt is present, it is generally a sign that some old issues are being triggered. Look at why you feel guilty and find a practice to let it go.
3. Validate your feelings. Judging how you feel only makes matters worse.
4. Use your support system! When things are tough we need even more love and nurturance than ever. 
5. Find some techniques to help you clear your energy field. A good energy healer who practices energy hygiene can help you with this. (For information on training in energy hygiene check out the Energy Healing Institute.)

If you can stay grounded, balanced and supported by your people, you will be in a much better position to go out and help those in need without getting emotionally overwhelmed.

Given the changes in global climate, we likely will be seeing more destructive weather events like Irene. Some of us will be ok, others of us won't. We are in this together, and how you take care of yourself has an impact on everyone around you.

We need you to be your best!

Be Well,

Rebecca

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Loving your demons requires calling back the shadow aspects of yourself–shame, guilt, rage, grief and feelings of unworthiness–to become integrated and take residence in your heart.

Self-love, acceptance and total forgiveness allow this integration to take place. 

We try to avoid our demons by pushing them away, using defense mechanisms like denial, compartmentalization, repression or dissociation (separating your body experience from your mind or emotions.)

For many, there comes a time when fending off the unbearable stops working. 

As Carl Jung wrote, "what you resist, persists." Unintegrated painful experience can echo through your life as sleep disturbance, anxiety, depression or other problems.

Making a conscious choice to face your demons takes the courage to explore and feel what you have been avoiding. 

When you invite your demons to show themselves–through therapy, meditation, or other practices–you begin the process of integrating the unbearable into conscious awareness. 

Learning to accept and love everything about yourself is at the heart of your transformational journey.

Here are some suggestions for learning to love your demons:

1. Make a conscious choice to open your eyes, ears, and heart to what lies deep within. Get interested in all aspects of your experience.
2. Work with practices that help you develop steady, loving self-observation. Tell your judgement it's time to retire.
3. Self-acceptance, self-love, and self-care should be at the core of your practice.
4. Compassion and forgiveness allow your heart to fully integrate all of who you are. You may find a specific practice helpful, such as this forgiveness meditation by Jack Kornfield.

Facing and loving the shadow aspects of yourself will be a difficult, but rewarding, journey. You will discover things about yourself you never knew and come to love yourself in ways you never thought possible.

You will eventually find a heartfelt stillness inside that will hold you steady no matter what is going on. 

The ability to be fully, calmly present with what is, frees you from suffering.

When it is time, be willing to let go of what no longer works, and nourish your heart and soul with gentleness, kindness, and compassion. 

Love your demons, transform your life!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Pickard Brook" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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If you are considering adding energy healing to your spiritual practice, you will be faced with some choices. Energy healing–and energy healers–come in many forms.

First, it's important to ask a few questions:  What is energy healing? How will it help you? How do you choose the right healer?  

Energy healing is the therapeutic process of using either a hands-on or hands-off technique to transmit healing energy to a client.

Generally speaking, the intention of energy healing is to balance and clear the chakras and the electromagnetic field of negative, stuck energies.

Energy healing tends to have a new-age air of mysteriousness surrounding it. In fact, energy healing can be practiced in a very grounded, skillful, and systematic way that is based on concrete principles of energy transmission. 

Healing energy contains an intelligence that reaches far beyond the limitations of language and cognition.

Effective energy healing helps you become more attuned to the wisdom and guidance of your soul. Energy healing that is practiced by a skilled healer can bring you into alignment with your soul's journey by helping to release unbalancing energies in your body and energy field. 

As you become more energetically grounded, balanced, and aligned, you will see yourself more clearly and with greater perspective.

By drawing forth the essence of your karmic wounds, energy healing can help you shift core psychological, emotional and spiritual issues. 

Energy healing comes in many forms. Each person will resonate differently to the healer, how s/he practices, and the type of energy that is being transmitted.  

Here are some suggestions for choosing an energy healer who works well for you. 

1. The healer should work in alignment with your soul. This creates healing that is gentle, respectful, and in sync with what you need and are ready for at the time.
2. The healer should help you stay grounded and in your body before, during and after the healing session.
3. If the healer does not have training in counseling, s/he should be able to refer you to a good therapist when you need additional support.
4. Finally, the healer should practice good energy hygiene. To learn more about energy hygiene, I recommend the Energy Healing Institute as a resource.

Energy healing can be an effective and powerful tool for supporting you on your healing journey. Empower yourself as you go through the process of choosing a healer so you get the kind of healing you need. 

And, as always, be gentle, show yourself love and compassion, and listen carefully to your inner voice.

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Blossoming Tree" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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You practice because a voice deep within longs for the stillness and focus that spiritual practices give you.

This voice belongs to your soul. Your soul is the eternal part of you that connects you to All That Is.

Your spiritual practice helps you come into alignment with your soul. As you practice, you will come to know the voice of your soul. If you listen, you will hear what it needs for its journey. 

Developing a committed, steady spiritual practice takes patience and discipline. It requires the willingness to let go of goals and expectations and to allow your soul's journey to unfold.

Balancing the art of allowing–while simultaneously maintaining just enough structure, intention, and attention to creating a magnificent life–is acquired through the practice of listening to the voice of your soul.

By listening deeply, and following the guidance you are given, you allow your path to unfold just as it should.

The soul's journey is not about getting somewhere–it's about the path itself and having the experiences your soul needs to grow and heal.

There is much ado these days about "manifesting" and creating your own reality through intention. Realizing that you have the ability to create–to make positive things happen in your life–is empowering and can liberate you from feeling helpless in the face of difficulty or dissatisfaction in your life.

However, it is easy for the personality to get seduced by the power of creating and lose sight of the soul's path. When you are in "manifest mode," which "you" is in charge–your soul, or your personality? 

If you listen to the voice of your soul you will create the experiences you need. This may not always be what your personality thinks it needs, especially if the experience is unpleasant. The soul is creating in order to learn, grow and heal.

Over time, the committed practice of paying attention, moment to moment, illuminates the juxtaposition of personality and soul. You begin to see that you have a choice in any given moment, to embody and express the energy of either your soul or your personality.

When you consistently choose to be and act from your soul's perspective, you are no longer paddling upstream. You are in the flow.

Here are some suggestions to help you follow your soul's path:

1. Practice. As the Nike commercial says, "Just Do It!"
2. Trust that over time you will come to discern your soul's voice from that of your personality. 
3. As part of your practice start noticing the connection between what you are doing, thinking and feeling, and what manifests in your life. Learn from your experience. 
4. Keep posing the question, "what would my soul say, want, or do right now?" Listen deeply.
5. Practicing in isolation can be hard. If you are having trouble staying with your practice, reach out for support. 
6. If your practice feels stale or stuck, don't hesitate to get some help. You may be at a point on your path when a different practice would suit you better.  

Coming into alignment with your soul doesn't mean everything will be perfect. But you will be in the flow of your soul's journey and fulfilling your soul's needs for its experience and expression in this lifetime.

Most importantly, enjoy the journey!

Wishing you all the best in 2011!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"The Path" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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Gratitude is heart energy. When you connect with a feeling of gratitude your chest softens and expands as your heart chakra radiates this energy.

We've all had those moments–listening to music, seeing something beautiful, experiencing an act of kindness–when the feeling of gratitude bursts forth as the heart center surrenders its guard and makes room for the fullness of this beautiful energy.

When you allow the wave of gratitude to swell, it will connect you to the pulse of the universe.

Choosing to be grateful is often hard. It is pretty common–and much easier–to be attached to negativity ("it's easy to be hard"). But, you have a choice: what you think directly affects how you feel (see "Change Your Mind" Muse Post.)

Gratitude is ever-present. And you can consciously choose to cultivate it anywhere, anytime.

Learning to discipline the mind is a rewarding practice. Applying this skill to the cultivation of gratitude will bring you greater peace and ease.

Here is a gratitude practice adapted from the work of Tom Kenyon:

1. Get into a comfortable position and engage your breath. Do a quick body scan and breathe into any places you are holding tension. Relax.
2. Get grounded. The practice will have a much greater effect if you are able to ground the energy of gratitude all the way down into your root chakra. (For a grounding exercise see the Muse post "Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded."
3. Now it's time to conjure up the experience of gratitude. Go through a list of all the things for which you are grateful until you find something that sparks a feeling of gratitude (even if it's just a little). Sometimes this can take some time. Stick to it! (When I'm having trouble feeling grateful, thinking of my dog always does the trick.) When you've connected with something you feel grateful for you are ready for the next step.
4. Bring your attention to your heart organ, and feel this gratitude. Imagine that the pulse of your heart is sending the energy of gratitude throughout your entire body. Allow your body to be bathed in this healing energy and breathe deeply into the experience.

Gratitude practice requires a commitment to making change. These days it is easy to believe there is nothing on earth to be grateful for.

With effort and time you will always find something.

An attitude of gratitude is to be shared. Please pass it along to everyone you know.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Zinnia" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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The root chakra, though it gets less attention than its upper counterparts, is implicated in some of the most important aspects of the development of the soul's consciousness.

The root chakra serves as the anchoring point for divine consciousness as it is stepped down from a very high, fine vibration to the dense energy of the physical body.

Consider the notion of electric power moving from the high voltage of a massive powerline to the 120 volts that run your household appliances. As power flows through the system, it is "stepped down" to a level you can use. The root chakra is the equivalent of the system's grounding rod.

The integration of higher vibration consciousness into your personal, human existence requires an active, grounded root chakra.

Enlivening the root chakra requires that you engage in the process of becoming empowered. Empowerment provides a sense of safety, which helps you to let go of fear and defensiveness.

It is much easier to be present with what is going on in the moment if you aren't worried about what is about to happen.

In order to live a determined and intentional existence, your root chakra needs to be active and capable of grounding energy. 

A well-functioning root chakra provides the foundation for spiritual transformation, and the momentum to get on your spiritual path and practice. 

The root chakra contains the energy of potential. An engaged root chakra can help you bring dreams and desires to fruition–like creating a home that feels good to you, making money, or connecting with your creative passion. 

Spiritual practices that focus exclusively on opening the upper chakras may create ecstatic states. But if you are unable to ground this high-vibration energy, you might end up feeling emotionally and physically imbalanced and uprooted. 

A high-vibration state of consciousness in and of itself is not enough to create healing and change. We are human beings living in dense, physical bodies. In order to function well in these bodies, we need to be able to stay grounded. 

A spiritual practice that gives attention to the root chakra will allow your healing path to unfold more easily and gently.

Here are some suggestions for working with the root chakra:

1. Learn how to ground your energy. This takes time and practice. For a simple grounding exercise see the Muse post Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded.
2. Spend time getting to know your root chakra. When you bring your attention to the base of your spine, what does it feel like? What thoughts or images come to mind? What does your root chakra mean to you? For more information on the subject of chakras, I recommend reading Anodea Judith's book Wheels of Life.
3. As you learn how to take root in this chakra, notice what issues arise for you. Use compassionate mindfulness to gently observe what comes up. A harsh and judgmental stance will shut your root chakra down.
4. Exercises that focus exclusively on awakening Kundalini Shakti should generally be avoided. Many people have gotten themselves into trouble by prematurely awakening this energy. If you think this may have happened, you can find helpful information through the Spiritual Emergence Network.
5. If you engage in practices that open the crown chakra–such as chanting or drumming–it is important to stay grounded, which enables you to draw the energy down into your root chakra for integration into consciousness. If you are unable to stay grounded, perhaps back off these practices until you are able to bring your energy down into the root chakra at will.

As you shift into fully inhabiting this chakra and grounding through it, your healing journey will flow more easily. You will also access deeper levels of consciousness and subsequently feel more expansive, while at the same time feeling firmly rooted in your human experience.

Growing strong roots will help you reach for the sky!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Treetop" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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Robert Frost said, "Good fences make good neighbors". Having "good boundaries" is essential to having a good relationship with yourself and with others. Good, healthy boundaries naturally arise when you have unconditional positive regard for yourself (remember Carl Rogers?). Healthy boundaries help you be more empowered, more grounded, and more in your body. 

You can create better boundaries with the help of psychotherapy–changing how you think and feel about yourself. You can also directly address the source of boundary issues by working with your energy field. 

Boundaries refer to the demarcation of emotional and physical space between you and another person. Unless you are clairvoyant, you can't see a boundary because it is an energetic phenomenon.

Your boundaries are determined by the size, shape and quality of your chakras and the energy surrounding you, known as your electromagnetic field (EMF).

Your EMF holds the imprint of your past experience. 

If your physical space or your emotional well-being was violated when you were young, you probably have had trouble maintaining healthy boundaries and having healthy relationships.

A couple I see on and off for therapy–we'll call them John and Judy–provide a perfect example of how boundary problems manifest in relationships:

John's mother left him when he was a child. He developed intense abandonment anxiety, and copes by extending his second chakra towards others in a hyper-vigilant attempt to scan for danger (abandonment).

When Judy was young she had the role of caring for her mother's emotional needs. She took on her mother's emotions, and as a result developed an EMF that is porous and vulnerable to absorbing others' energy.

John's intrusive scanning feels controlling and claustrophobic to her, and she withdraws in an attempt to protect herself. Not surprisingly, her withdrawal triggers John's abandonment anxiety, which causes him to become even more energetically intrusive, and so on.  

As a child, John's ability to scan for signs of danger helped him feel safer in the world. He was attempting to make sure he would never again be abandoned by someone he loved.

John's EMF mirrors his hyper-vigilance. It both bears the reflection of his fears and causes his fears to be confirmed over and over. Women have repeatedly left John because his intrusiveness drives them crazy. 

Your boundaries are a manifestation of how you feel about yourself.

If you feel worthless, your boundaries may be too permeable and you may let others "walk all over you." Or, like John, you may be an unintentional boundary violator in the service of staying safe. 

You also may protect yourself with boundaries that are too rigid, which prevents you from being close to others. This is a "better safe than sorry" approach. 

Healthy boundaries create a contained space that is yours, while at the same time allowing you to stay connected to all that is–to the universe.

As the relationship with yourself becomes more respectful, your energy changes and your boundaries improve. 

Learning how to skillfully set limits with others is one way of developing better boundaries. Insisting that you be treated with respect is empowering. It is an act of self-care when you make it clear that you won't tolerate being taking advantage of.

Energy follows thought:  If you think "no, this is my space," you start to re-configure your EMF.

In addition to verbalizing cognitive intention, you can also work with your boundaries on an energetic level. This is known as "energy hygiene." (For more detailed instruction on energy hygiene skills I refer you to the teachings of Jill Leigh, founder of the Energy Healing Institute .)

Here are some points to keep in mind as you work on improving your boundaries:

1. If you aren't properly grounded you cannot have good boundaries. It takes practice to be grounded! For a simple grounding exercise see the earlier Muse posting, Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded.
2. To maintain healthy boundaries, you need a stable second chakra. This chakra bears the imprint of past traumas, and violation can cause it to lose form and integrity. When this chakra is too open you will feel and absorb everyone else's emotions and have difficulty keeping others out of your space. 
3. Learn how to take energetic ownership of your space. John Friedlander and Gloria Hemsher teach this process in their book, Basic Psychic Development (see page 12).
4. Engage in a healing process that specifically addresses your relationship with yourself. Working with a good therapist can help you on your healing journey.

Creating healthy boundaries takes time and practice. As your healing journey evolves and you develop unconditional positive regard for yourself, your boundaries will improve, and so will your relationships.

Bring compassion to all that you do, and have some fun while you're at it!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Marsh" photo image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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If you sweated through Jane Fonda's aerobic workouts back in the early 80's, you'll remember her famous expression "no pain, no gain!" The message was this: unless you just about keeled over during the workout, you'd never get anywhere.

Exercise physiology was in its infancy at that time, and it wasn't until years later that science showed us that, in fact, less is usually more when it comes to physically challenging the body.

Jane Fonda's killer workouts are an example of the gusto with which many of us went about self-improvement in those days–if it didn't hurt, it didn't work.

At the same time that sales of Jane Fonda's exercise videos were soaring, survivors of domestic violence and childhood abuse were starting to find a voice. As second-wave feminism brought attention to the issue of violence against women, trauma support groups and special therapies that addressed trauma arose in response.

Like exercise physiology, the field of trauma treatment has come a long way. Initially, therapists believed that regressing the client so that she could remember, relive, and tell her story was the best way to heal the effects of abuse. We now know that regression therapies can cause harm. 

It has become widely recognized that to be effective, treatment must rebuild and fortify a client's strengths and coping skills before her traumatic past is relived and retold in the therapy (if at all). 

There are many different forms of regression therapy. What they have in common is this: the therapist regresses the client by leading her back into her traumatic past. 

So why is regression therapy such a problem?

A healer–whether a doctor, a massage therapist, or an energy healer–is in a position of power. When a therapist or healer intentionally regresses a client, they are asserting their power and will over the client.  This assertion of power can feel like a reenactment of the initial abuse.  

Often the client will respond with worsening symptoms like dissociation, relapse (for addicts), an increase in depression, and suicidal ideation.

Therapeutic regression can be insidious because it is often carried out in a very loving and nurturing context. Examples include offering a client a stuffed animal to help bring him back in time, or holding a client in a maternal embrace.

Think about it: if the goal of therapy is to become a healthy, functioning adult, why would purposefully regressing a client be a good thing?

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with hugging a client, but it should be done skillfully and not in the service of regression.

Often, when there is a history of childhood physical or sexual abuse, "good touching" and "bad touching" were conflated. Therefore, it's a good idea to talk about the implications of physical contact and affection in the context of a therapeutic relationship. 

Most clients assume their therapist/healer knows best–making it unlikely they will express discomfort with affection. Instead, the client may tell herself she needs to "get over" her fear of being touched, and dissociate in order to cope with the discomfort.

If dissociation is happening, the focus of treatment should be on building the skills to stay grounded and present in the body. 

The therapy relationship should be collaborative and focus on empowering the client to feel in charge of her body and to pay deep attention to comfort and safety levels during sessions. This applies to talk therapy, body work, and energy healing.

Here are some suggestions for staying empowered in your treatment (whether or not you have a trauma history):

1. Make sure you actually like your healer and feel comfortable with her. I have heard countless stories from clients who stayed too long in therapies that didn't feel right. Listen to your inner voice and trust your intuition.
2. If anything happens in the course of treatment that doesn't feel right to you, bring it up. Advocating for yourself in this way–in and of itself–is healing and empowering and enriches your therapy.
3. "Things will get worse before they get better" is generally true. However, if you find yourself regressing in your functioning and staying in this place for long periods of time, something isn't right. 
4. If you resume–or start–behaviors that are self-destructive in the course of your therapy (i.e. substance abuse, self-mutilation, unsafe sex), this is a red flag. Your healing needs to focus on self-care until you are safe and and stabilized. 

Exploring traumatic events in the context of a collaborative therapeutic relationship (including talk therapy, body work and energy healing) can be a powerful healing experience. 

Listen to yourself and validate how you feel as your healing progresses. 

Take it slowly and gently!

Be Well,

Rebecca

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If you develop the skills to work constructively with anger it can be transformational. If you pay attention, anger will reveal where you hurt–and where you need to heal. 

When you repress anger, you often "act out" in a passive-aggressive way. Repressing anger robs you of your life force. It requires an exhaustive amount of energy to keep anger under wraps. 

The other extreme–constant venting and/or expressing your anger is unproductive, and does not lead to resolution or integration of the underlying issues.

Managing anger with care is about finding a middle ground between the polarities of repression and venting.

It is also important to learn how to express and release anger in a way that does no harm. Hitting, punching, and yelling may help to move anger in the body, but this can hurt. For example, if you lose your voice doing anger work, you are hurting your vocal cords.

Anger often masks hurt, fear and grief.

Anger is like the scab on a wound. If all you do is rip the scab off, it might be satisfying but it doesn't help heal the wound. Unless anger work is accompanied by clearing and integration, it is just scab-picking.

Being skillful with expressing and releasing anger requires insight and the ability to notice when you are angry. Integrative anger work requires proper grounding, embodiment (staying fully present in your body), and insight into the nature of the wound that is activated.

The marker of integrated healing is the feeling of softening in your heart center as well as a greater sense of caring and compassion for yourself.

If you pay attention, your anger can help you understand and heal your psychic wounds. If you release it with care, you will integrate this insight into your consciousness. 

Here are some suggestions for handling anger:

1. Because anger is a very physical energy, pay attention to your body. Breath moves energy. Breathe into the places you are feeling angry, and really receive your breath. 
2. Get grounded. Proper grounding enables you to both release anger and receive healing energy. For more information on grounding see Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded (May 13th post).
3. Once you are grounded, breathing, and tuning into your body, allow yourself to feel. Notice what you feel, along with any corresponding thoughts, and write all of this down. Don't censor yourself, and write as if no one will ever read your words. It is helpful to keep an anger journal–one you use just for processing and healing anger.
4. If you can't sit still with your anger, tune in to what your body needs to do. Whatever you choose–walking, running, jumping rope, hitting a tennis ball–do it mindfully, and with care. Make sure you are breathing. And don't hurt yourself. When you are done moving, get grounded, pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling, and write down everything that comes to mind.  
5. If you have a kind and loving person to share your feelings with, healing and integration will happen more easily. If you don't, you may want to consider finding a "listener" you trust.
6. Do this practice until your anger subsides. For some people, this may need to be an ongoing practice. Don't judge your progress, just do the practice. You are building a caring and compassionate relationship with yourself, and that's what matters.

As you develop the skills to gently and courageously walk through the fire of your anger you will release blocked energies that keep you from being grounded, centered and in your power.

The practice of using care, compassion, and kindness towards yourself is your healing journey–and this practice will fuel your transformation.

The Muse is going on vacation until September.

Until then–

Be Well!

Rebecca

"Fall Maple Leaves" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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As I read the news, the grief I had been fending off erupted in wave after wave of sadness so deep I thought I'd cry forever. But then the waves subsided. I felt rinsed out, clear, and ready to go about my day. And, I had a surge of new energy to commit myself to even the little things I can do to help our planet.

Why had I been fending off this grief for so long?

Well, until that morning I just hadn't been ready yet.

This is the thing with grieving: if you listen closely to yourself you will be present for when your emotions are ready to flow. 

Until I started surrendering to the emotion of grief, I was depressed lots of the time. Then a lovely healer gave me permission to just be sad. And this changed my life. 

We don't like being sad, so we hold it inside.

When you resist grief, its energy turns into anger, depression, or it is expressed physically–as tension, headaches and stomach problems. When you let the tears of grief flow, you will begin to release this trapped energy.  

The practice of mindfully allowing your feelings to move through you will teach your body and energy field how to release and clear energy.

Many find it difficult to surrender to grief because it feels like there will be no end to it.

If you feel sad, be sad. Don't hold back. 

Grief comes in waves. Finding your path through grief requires riding the waves as they crest and fall. It can take a long time for grief to subside. Be patient.

As you grieve, be kind and compassionate towards yourself no matter what is coming up.

Being kind to yourself is essential for healing and transformation to take place.

Kindness opens your heart. An open heart is a conduit for love, compassion and forgiveness–feelings that heal and create wholeness.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Validate your sadness even if it doesn't seem connected to anything concrete or "real." Just go with it.
2. When things happen that cause grief, other losses get activated, and you might think you are overreacting. You are not, and the practice remains the same: don't judge–validate, surrender, and be kind and compassionate towards yourself.
3. If you are someone who gets trapped inside a cycle of grieving that has no end, it is important to provide a container for your grief. Structure time to be present with your feelings. Observe what is going on in your mind and body without judgement. Then do some writing about what you noticed, and put it aside. Make this a practice until the grief subsides. 
4. When sadness gets stuck–you know it's in there, but you can't quite connect to it–the stuckness is the feeling. Notice where it is in your body and observe it. Refrain from judging it, poking at it, or pushing it away. When it is ready to move, you will be there to greet it.
5. Don't be a sponge for all the tears of the universe. Chances are good that you have a full plate of your own feelings to work on. Keep your focus here. (See Earth Mother Heal Thyself, June 10 posting.)
   

Intense emotions provide an opportunity for you to practice compassionate mindfulness. And in the process you will build a deeper and more loving relationship with yourself.  

Allowing yourself to surrender to grief is a vast and courageous act of healing.

Heal yourself, and you heal the world. This is your path!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Foster Brook" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license.

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Our thoughts create our realities. 

Thus, paying attention to the quality of what your mind puts forth in each moment plays a crucial role in the transformation process.

When your mind sucks you into a downward spiral and feeds the demons of judgement, fear, anxiety, and unworthiness, your suffering is sure to increase.

The relationship with yourself lies at the heart of healing and transformation. You will only make progress when you think and feel more kindly towards yourself.

Positive self-regard aligns you with the healing energies of the universe.

Like attracts like.

Maintaining an authentically positive attitude, however, can be challenging. Transforming the quality of thought takes mindfulness, discipline, and lots of practice.

We are not born with a mind that is inclined towards the negative. To the contrary, a negative outlook develops as a result of learning from others such as parents, peers, and teachers. Early depression and the experience of trauma also have an enormous impact on how we think.

Creating mental vibrancy is not about being happy all the time. It is about learning to maintain objectivity and perspective when the mind begins to descend into negative or victimized thinking.

Cultivating a positive attitude is much more complex than using affirmations; it is learning to gently coax thinking/feeling energy into a more positive flow.

So when your mind goes dumpster-diving, how can you get it to shift gears?

Here are some suggestions: 

1. Validate your feelings without indulging your thoughts. If you are dwelling angrily on something, check yourself and gently say ”geez, I must be pretty angry right now.” This is the practice of compassionate mindfulness in action.
2. Bring your focus from your mind to your body. Let your body tell the real story. Is there any part of your body that is uncomfortable? Do you notice which chakra is most activated? What is the energy underlying your negative thoughts?
3. If you can find anything funny or ridiculous about what you are thinking, engage your humor. Humor shifts energy instantaneously. 
4. Make yourself do something productive. The sense of achievement is a surefire way to mobilize more positive energy.
5. Imagine how you would like to feel right now. Even though you aren’t “there,” try to feel it through the use of imagination. If you can imagine a positive feeling you will create it.
6. If all else fails and you just can't get your mind out of its downward spiral, observe and accept your thoughts. Breathe deeply and remember it will pass...

The practice of transforming your thinking from a negative to positive outlook will change your life. 

And you will light the fires of the transformation process!

Be Well,

Rebecca

Lamphire Woods image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license

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The healing of trauma—caused by sexual, physical or emotional abuse, combat, natural disasters, or crime—can be challenging and complex. It is not uncommon for someone who has been traumatized to develop addictions, personality issues, and difficulty in relationships, thus making the treatment of trauma complicated.

Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery marked a turning point in the approach to treating trauma. Herman proposed that therapy that emphasizes catharsis and memory retrieval can be destabilizing and even damaging.

Instead, therapy should first help a client to establish a life that takes care of basic needs: a safe living environment, job, support system, and sobriety. Only when these things are in place should the trauma be addressed specifically and directly.

Many trauma survivors contend with symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). These include flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation, and alternating cycles of hypervigilance and numbing. 

Trauma becomes registered in the body and energy field in a variety of ways. There are currently many approaches to the treatment of trauma which use energetic or body-based methods that help deactivate the stress response and release body pain associated with the trauma.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Somatic Experiencing are examples of these kinds of treatment approaches.

The chakras and energy field also carry the imprint of trauma. The second chakra, for example, can become torn or "floppy." Trauma can also cause the second chakra to be too open. This creates boundary issues (either too rigid or too undefined), and a tendency to be a sponge for absorbing unwanted energies.  

When a trauma survivor has progressed to a point where she is stable and has the skills for coping with PTSD symptoms, energy healing that is heart and soul-based can be very helpful.

Healing done in alignment with the client's soul will facilitate change in accordance with the soul's collective experience and also have a reparative effect on the chakras and energy field.  

Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind as the journey of healing trauma unfolds: 

1. The treatment of trauma needs to start with the basics: a stable existence that includes a home, a job, and an adequate support system. You should also have good coping skills that include techniques for counteracting PTSD symptoms.
2. If you are working with an energy healer and begin to have unmanageable trauma symptoms, it is really important to back off until you become stabilized. This might mean adding psychotherapy and body-based therapy to your treatment. 
3. Dissociation (disconnecting oneself from painful experience) is a common response to dealing with the difficult emotions and sensations that come up as a result of being traumatized. Make sure your treatment is addressing the issue of grounding. You cannot be both grounded and dissociated. Grounding skills are essential for doing trauma work (see the post Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded).
4. It is tempting (and sometimes unwisely suggested) to dig into your trauma history with a vengeance. More is not better, and in the case of healing trauma, less is more. Allow treatment to unfold slowly enough that you can stay grounded and emotionally stable. Learn the skills to self-soothe so that you can tolerate intense emotion.
5. The most important aspect of healing trauma is working on the relationship with yourself. Gentleness and the cultivation of self-love are at the core of healing.

Trauma lives in the mind, body, and soul. Likewise, healing should be multifaceted. Most people respond best by starting with psychotherapy, then adding body-based treatments like massage, and then turning to addressing the deepest layers of the trauma with energy healing.

Finally, don't take this journey alone. Give yourself the gift of finding a healer/therapist you like and trust. And don't forget to practice loving kindness towards yourself!

Be well,

Rebecca

Rocks and Moss image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license

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They are nurses, therapists and employees of nonprofit organizations. They come for healing because they are burning out on a life of giving. Earth Mothers often are depressed and exhausted, and their lives are not going so well.

I came up with the term Earth Mother because the energy fields of these individuals are wide open as they extend their hearts and healing hands to others. Energetically, they "carry the weight of the world on their shoulders".

As Earth Mothers reach out to try to heal the pain of the world, they end up absorbing negative energies into their bodies. This can be toxic, overwhelming and depleting. Earth Mothers can become so stuffed with the energy of others that their own bodies feel dense and heavy--even numb.

Much of the healing that Earth Mothers engage in comes from the heart. However, there is generally an aspect of the giving that is driven by unconscious needs.

If you are someone who feels compelled to heal and take care of other people, the chances are good that you are absorbing emotional energy that isn't your own. This excess emotional energy can contribute to depression, anxiety and fatigue.

The act of giving is a wonderful thing. But, it is important to give in a way that doesn’t end up leaving you overwhelmed, exhausted and--ultimately--burned out.

Here are some suggestions for overcoming Earth Mother Syndrome:

1. Make a commitment to focus more energy on healing yourself. The nicest gift you can give someone who is suffering is to be a peaceful, grounded presence.
2. Engage in a process of inquiry about why you feel driven to heal and take care of others. Ask yourself what you are getting out of being a giver and healer. You may find that you are engaging in an unhealthy barter with others. (A classic example is "I will take care of you if you won’t leave me".)
3. Learn how to ground yourself. Proper grounding allows you to anchor and integrate the healing energies of Shiva and Shakti. (See Getting Grounded, Staying Grounded, May 13 posting.)
4. Develop skills for clearing other peoples’ energy from your system, and learn how to “own” your space so you don’t take on negative or unbalancing energies. I recommend reading John Friedlander and Gloria Hemsher’s book Basic Psychic Development for guidance in this area.

These are the first steps towards taking back your energy, your power and your health. Our planet desperately needs healers who are grounded and empowered, so don't hold back! Just take care of yourself first.

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Tule Tree" image by Jennifer Hopkins ( http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/ ) with a Creative Commons license

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Grounding refers to being energetically connected to the earth. Like a lightening rod, proper grounding helps to run excess energies into the earth, enabling you to handle the diversity and abundance of energies running through you.

If you are very sensitive and open to experiencing the force of Shakti, learning how to ground is an essential survival skill. Proper grounding helps integrate the energies that meditation, yoga, and other types of healing release.

As Kundalini Shakti starts moving and opening up energetic blocks, the experience can be very unbalancing. This process of purification can be intense and unpleasant, and staying grounded will help ease some of the discomfort.

Grounding helps to move and clear energy more easily, and it creates better flow and communication between your physical body and your electromagnetic field. When grounded, you feel more stable because you are anchored to the earth. (Try doing standing yoga poses when you aren't grounded and you'll see what I mean!) 

Grounding brings you into present time, and helps increase focus and clarity. It helps gather and integrate the energy that is essential to empowerment and manifesting what you want in your life. If you aren't grounded and fully embodying your lower chakras, you may not be able to "hold" the positive effects of energy healing.

Being "ungrounded" contributes to disembodiment (not feeling the full aliveness of your body) and/or dissociation (being cut off from your emotions). You may also feel dizzy, spacey, or light-headed from lack of grounding. I suggest reading Anodea Judith's book Wheels of Life and her chapter on the first chakra for a more extensive look at the subject of grounding. 

What is a good way to ground effectively? For years I used the metaphor of tree roots in the grounding exercises that I gave my clients. While this imagery works for many, the roots just can't conduct all that energy--particularly if there is a lot of Shakti running through you. Imagine a pipe that is too small to carry a large volume of water.  

What works much better than tree roots is a bigger grounding pole. Here is a simple grounding exercise borrowed from Jill Leigh of the Energy Healing Institute. 

1. Sit with both feet on the floor, uncrossed, hands in your lap, uncrossed as well. Come into the experience of your body. Feel  yourself sitting, feel your feet on the floor, and engage the breath. Relax.
2. Bring your attention to your feet. Imagine the foot chakras in the arches of your feet opening up.
3. Move your attention to your root chakra (base of spine).
4. Imagine a bright green ball of light spinning in your root chakra, the width of your hips.
5. Drop this ball from your root chakra, imagining the ball creating a grounding pole as it moves down into the center of the earth. Your legs and feet are part of this grounding pole.
6. Allow your energy to drop down, through the grounding pole, and feel the connection to earth's energy.
7. Then come into your first and second chakras, and inhabit and enliven this space. 

If you have difficulty staying grounded, practice this as many times a day as you can. You are teaching your body to do something unfamiliar, so be patient.

You may have physical sensations and emotions that are new. This is part of the process that grounding awakens as you become more rooted in your body. If you are feeling a tingling sensation in your lower chakras, you have it! This is your body enlivened. In time you will feel more aligned, balanced, and present. So have fun and enjoy getting grounded and staying grounded!

Be Well,

Rebecca

"Fall Light" image by Jennifer Hopkins (http://jenhopkins.com/about/artwork-2/) with a Creative Commons license. 

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Shakti is a powerful force. Energy healing, meditation, yoga and many other practices are an invitation for Shakti to begin its work of transformation. As Shakti is unleashed, she moves into the energetic blockages and constrictions in the body and electromagnetic field.

Her energy can feel enlivening, empowering, and joyful--but it can also push up the muck that holds the energies of our past, and this can feel downright terrible. The healing process reveals and magnifies the negative patterns that we have created, and this can be pretty hard to look at.

When I started on my spiritual journey, I didn't just put a toe in the water—I jumped into the deep end of the pool. It was way too much. I ended up feeling drained and lousy because of too much healing. It is good to have time to integrate the energy into consciousness, and being grounded and energetically contained allows for this.

People who have core issues of self-hatred, shame, and a belief that there is something inherently wrong with them can have a tendency to attempt to do too much healing too soon. Overcompensating for feeling permanently flawed by doing even more healing never works. People who overheal will often end up feeling strung-out, exhausted, and on an emotional roller coaster. 

So how do you dance with Shakti in a way that works for you?

1. Make yourself your first priority. So many of us (and I include myself here) give ourselves over to service (and our spiritual paths) in a way that disregards personal needs and desires. If you believe that you have to put your own needs aside in order to heal the planet, you may get into trouble. 

   By healing yourself in a grounded way that allows you to experience joy and love in your life, you are healing the planet. It isn't selfish to be happy (even though it feels this way, especially with what is happening all over the world right now). Joy is a very high vibration that has a powerful healing effect on those around you. So go for joy! Make room for pleasure and fun. Be frivolous, do nothing, do what you love. 

2. Learn how to contain your energy—your energy, not everyone else's. This begins with learning how to have energetic boundaries and using proper energy hygiene. For a great book on energy hygiene see John Friedlander and Gloria Hemsher's book Basic Psychic Development.

   Yes, you are a part of and are completely connected to the Universe, but you are also your own divine spark of energy that is just you. When we run lots of Shakti without being properly grounded and embodied, we open ourselves up for all sorts of energies to enter our space.

   And, if you are a natural healer, there's a good chance you are giving away lots of energetic juice unknowingly. This is exhausting. Learn how to clear and ground your energy and own your energetic space.

3. If you are an "overhealer," back off the healing and find different practices that are calming and grounding. Learn how to calm your stress response and engage in activities that soothe and create love and joy. I highly recommend  Dr. Eva Selhub's book The Love Response.
    
4. And last but not least: get out of isolation. Find like-minded people to talk to and have fun with. Play games, be silly, be unproductive, and laugh.

Remember, the healing journey is ongoing and there is no there to get to... be gentle with yourself, be patient with the process, and do your best to enjoy what's happening right now.

Be well,

Rebecca

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Shakti, and her partner Shiva, are synergistic energies which lie both within and outside of us. Shakti is an upward moving energy full of the power to create. Shiva, a downward moving energy, is consciousness manifested. Shakti is the energy of potentiality, Shiva provides form for that which emerges out of divine consciousness. When we learn how to allow these energies to work together, we are on the path towards a greater sense of wholeness and integration with our souls/higher selves and the divine.

If we can't contain and ground Shakti we will not provide a container for Shiva to become rooted in our personal consciousness. In other words, if your practice is only about moving energy upwards, you will not be inhabiting your lower chakras in a way that allows you to manifest the power and creative forces of Spirit.

I come to the subject of Shakti and its power from my experience as a hungry and at times desperate seeker. What was I looking for? I sought what so many spiritual aspirants seek: wisdom, the experience of oneness, and the desire for elevated states of consciousness. But what I was really looking for was emotional healing and peace of mind. I have started this writing project to share my experiences. I am a work in progress, and make no claims to truth, absolute knowledge, or wisdom. I learn through my experience and by sharing it with others, and what I "know" is constantly shifting.

As a psychologist practicing traditional psychotherapy, I always thought something was missing from the healing process of talk therapy. For anyone with a history of trauma (sexual, physical, or emotional), the therapy process often reveals an emotional and cognitive pattern that can be resistant to change. The body, the mind, and the heart get stuck in a pattern that is negative and self-defeating. Shifting this pattern can be extremely difficult and frustrating. 

Intuitively, I thought energy healing would help. I understood that the stuck emotions, cognitions, and physical reactions were energies that needed unsticking. Energy healing seemed like a good way to help release the relentless torture of the traumatized heart and mind. What I came to discover, however, is that working with energy can cause potent shifts--not all of which are pleasant.

Certain spiritual practices can be very powerful. If you are unprepared, uncontained (meaning too open energetically), and ungrounded, Shakti can take you on a hair-raising ride. There are many practices (such as specific types of yogic breathing and Kundalini Yoga) which intentionally raise Kundalini (an aspect of Shakti), and can inadvertently stir the fires of transformation too quickly. In my case, the combination of a Transcendental Meditation practice and receiving lots of energy healing triggered the rise of Kundalini in a way that was extremely uncomfortable. 

Everyone has different responses to Shakti. Many seekers have never experienced the fire of Kundalini pulsing through their body no matter how much breathing, sitting or yoga practice they do. Others have an easier time of it as the Kundalini slowly awakens in a way that can be assimilated. For me, the energy was way too much. My nervous system seemed to be in a state of "fight or flight" much of the time. I couldn't sleep at night, I couldn't focus my mind or remember things, and, ultimately, my body broke down from exhaustion. Those like myself, who experience these "spiritual emergencies" (see the Spiritual Emergence Network) can suffer tremendously. It isn't my intention to suggest that these kinds of experiences can be completely avoided. Rather, I hope to provide suggestions for managing the process of spiritual transformation in a gentler, saner way. Looking back, I know I had to go through all of this for a variety of reasons and I wouldn't change a thing. However, much could have been avoided with proper energy hygiene and the guidance of a skilled healer. 

So what have I learned from all of this?

1. Healing yourself isn't a competitive sport. There is no finish line and no hurry to get to the end of the race. 
2. Everyone responds differently to energy healing or other spiritual practices. Listen to yourself and what you need. 
3. Find a healer who will teach you good energy hygiene and practical skills for managing your healing process. There may be times when you need both a therapist and an energy healer. 
4. Learn how to completely inhabit your body. Many find it too painful to be fully present with the physical experience.
5. Learn how to ground. This is incredibly important in terms of integrating healing energies and being fully functional, both cognitively and emotionally. 
6. Learn how to be less energetically open. We keep hearing that we need to be more open. A wide-open energy field creates a superabsorbent sponge for all types of energies to move into. 
7. Finally, learn how to have fun! 

Be Well,

Rebecca

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